To run or not to run the marathon, that is the question?!

A week ago Monday I went on a ten mile run. During this ten mile run I was reflecting on and comparing this run to my first ten mile run. My first ten mile run was the end of October 2010. I know this because the annual 15K Hot Chocolate Race in Chicago was about a week away. At that time I had only been running for a couple of months but when I first heard about it a Hot Chocolate Race I wanted to run it. However, I talked myself out of signing up for it knowing that I couldn’t run that far. I was mad at myself. Here I was telling myself I couldn’t do something, again. That morning I woke up and just decided to prove to myself that I could do it. So I mapped out my ten miles and took off. It is the first time I remember ever having blisters on the bottoms of my feet but definitely not the last. It felt good to prove to myself that I could do it. It would be another a few months before I did it again but now ten miles is my favorite distance to run when I have the time and the weather is nice.

This run last Monday I was just out enjoying the run. I had nothing to prove. That’s when I started thinking about the marathon. You see almost daily someone ask me if I am going to run the marathon again this year and always tell them I don’t know. I don’t know because we are moving this summer, Lavender’s job is going to be more demanding of her time, Susan graduates, there will be a killer graduation party, Susan will move off to college, and I will hopefully be starting my first teaching job. All of this would take place during peak marathon training. I ran it last year in the middle of student teaching, fundraising, and working but I had something to prove to myself. I needed to prove to myself that I could do it. I needed to tell myself that I could run 26.2 miles in under 6 ½ hours and then do it. I don’t need to prove to myself that I can do this. I already know that I can. I want to run the marathon again but just not this year. I am not going to stop running. I ran all winter long. It’s my therapy. It’s what I do for myself. I will be out this year just enjoying the run. However, come 2013 watch out. I plan on finishing the Chicago Marathon in less than 5 hours!

"I plan to run that race so hard I won't want to think about racing for at least 48 hours."-L. Thorvilson

Life Lessons from Lois

Lois is a beautiful lady that I met through the church where Lavender was doing pulpit supply. She is kind, gentle, and strong. This blog post is not about her. It is about a plant that she gave us and we affectionately named Lois.

Lois turned out to be my favorite gift this past holiday season. When we first received her she was just a few inches tall, barley poking out of her bulb. On the ride home, I was thinking, "great another plant for me to kill." I forgot her in the freezing car. So, already she was off to bad start in our house. When we did remember to bring her in the house we sat her on the coffee table where there wasn’t much light but at least some light. Our apartment just doesn’t offer much sunlight. It didn’t matter though because at this time I was still thinking she (she didn’t have a name yet) wouldn’t be around much longer.

She didn’t grow the first two weeks we had her. I am assuming this is because of the lack of light. The amazing apart was that she was still with us. Lavender, being the smart one of the family, said we should move her into the bedroom and place her under the reading lamp because it has a full spectrum light bulb in it. Literally within hours Lois grew a couple of inches and also got a name. Lesson #1- If given the right environment, we all grow.

I was excited to wake up every morning and check on Lois’s progress, turn her light on, and make sure she had enough water. My daughter thought I was going crazy because I began talking to Lois. I didn’t pay much attention to her though because what teenager thinks that their parents are normal? Lois grew so much that she was out growing the reading lamp. New dilemma but no worries because like said Lavender is the smart one and moved Lois to my painting table where she could hang the reading lamp from my dresser. Lesson #2- Sometimes we need to change the ‘right’ environment if we are to keep growing.

I kept talking to Lois, checking on her water needs, and turning her so ‘sunlight’ could reach all of her. Lois made me happy and I liked her sitting on my painting table. I thought I was just taking care of Lois’s physical needs but really she was taking care of my emotional needs by keeping the winter blues away. Lesson #3- When we give, we get.

Now after about a month of having Lois in our house, we got invited over to Lois’s (the person) daughters’ house for dinner. Kim, the daughter of Lois, also had received a plant from her mother. Only her plant was bigger and in full bloom. She was beautiful. I couldn’t believe how bright and lovely this plant was. That night when we went home, I excitedly told Lois that I met her sister and that she was lovely. I impatiently started waiting for Lois to bloom. It felt like it was taking her forever. Every day I would ask her when she was going to open up and be beautiful like her sister. Lesson #4- We all bloom in our own time.

When Lois did finally bloom, she was beautiful. She had eight gorgeous flowers. They were bright and cheery. What I realized though is just how amazing and beautiful it had been to watch her grow. Lesson #5- The journey and the growth is what makes us beautiful.

This and That (Oh and I might be losing my mind!)

Here are the top three things on my mind today.
1. Job searching SUCKS big hairy donkey balls!
2. Hello my name is Kim and I am addicted to soda pop. It’s been about two weeks since my last drink.
3. Vegan Black Bean Brownies is something more people should try.

Let’s start with #1 job searching is a very horrible experience. I have over a 100 resumes out there in the world. I have filled out countless applications for teaching, substitute teaching, and well everything else. It’s lonely. It’s boring. It’s depressing.

#2, I keep hearing that pop is bad for you both diet and regular so I decided to give it up. I am drinking iced ginger green tea unsweetened. I like it a lot but it’s not coke. I freakin want a freakin coke! I thought I could stop anytime I wanted but this habit is freakin hard to break!

#3, I know it sounds weird but these are really good and good for you. The recipe I used is a combo recipe off of different recipes I found on-line. For example, one recipe I read called for all bananas the other for all applesauce. I only had two bananas and some applesauce, so I used both. I used oat flour most recipes call for regular flour. Anyway you get the point. Try them. They are healthy enough you can eat them for lunch or breakfast and sweet enough that you feel like you are getting a treat!

2-cans of sodium reduced black beans rinsed well
2-bananas
1-cup of apple sauce
1-cup of oat flour
2/3 - cup of agave nectar
½ - cup of dark cocoa powder
2-Tbsp. of Cinnamon powder
1- Tbsp. of vanilla

Preheat oven to 350. Grease a 12x8 pan. In a food processor mix everything except for flour until smooth. Stir in flour. Bake for 30 minutes. Let the brownies cool completely before cutting! Enjoy they are good for and if you cut them into 12 squares each square has less than 200 calories.

Spicy quinoa with black beans and spinach topped with salmon and mango salsa

It is no secret that I love cooking. I love experimenting with flavors and coming up with unique combinations. I love Ethiopian, Mexican, and Indian foods. These foods use lots of flavors and spices. They give me inspiration for when I make my own creations. The following recipe I made for Lavender and I the other night. It’s full of flavor and healthy. If you are worried about it being too spicy take out some of the red crushed pepper. If you are looking for a vegan dish, leave off the salmon. This is the first time I created this but I will make it again.

Spicy quinoa with black beans and spinach topped with salmon and mango salsa (serves 4)

Make the mango salsa first.
2 fresh mangos peeled and chopped up
Handful of cilantro
4 garlic cloves minced
1 jalapeño pepper
3 Tbsp. of lime juice
Black pepper to taste
Combine all ingredients and store in the refrigerator until time to use.

Next start the quinoa

1 pablano pepper chopped
4-6 garlic cloves minced
1 cup of quinoa
2 cups of water
½ tbsp. of olive oil
1 tbsp. crushed red pepper
Onion powder and black pepper to taste
Sauté pepper and garlic in the olive oil. Add water and let boil and quinoa and the rest of the ingredients. Lower heat, cover, and let sit for about 15 minutes.

Salmon

1 pound of salmon cut into four 4 oz. pieces
2 tbsps. Of freshly grated ginger
6-8 curry leaves
Black pepper
Rub ginger and pepper on salmon. Place salmon in foil packets with 1 ½ -2 curry leaves. Bake at 425 for 14 minutes.

And finally….

Black beans and spinach
1 can of black beans
1 vegetables buillion cube
1 tbsp. of crush red pepper
½ tbsp. of onion powder
3 cups of spinach
Heat up the first 4 ingredients then add the spinach cook just until the spinach is wilted.

Now put it all together!
Put 1/4 the quinoa on plate, 1/4 the black beans and spinach, 1 piece of the salmon on top and finish with the mango salsa.

Enjoy. Your mouth will be happy.

Goodbye 2011! Hello 2012!

Two years ago today I decided to make a better me. It took a few months to overcome my biggest obstacle. At this time I didn’t even know it was a problem for me. I couldn’t leave my house and walk around by myself in my own my neighborhood. Past problems and relationships left me with such overwhelming anxiety that the furthest I would walk outside my door was to the car. I walked with Lavender when she was home. We went out almost every day she was home no matter the weather. By spring I was stronger physically and more importantly mentally as I had begun working through some of my emotional baggage. I started venturing out on my own.

Fast forward to this past year, I have continued to work on myself like it was a job. (It really has been my job.) I painted more, I took Zumba classes, I danced in public, I ran a marathon, and I graduated from college. This a far cry from a person afraid to leave her home.

I am going to continue on my journey towards a better me but this year I am going to start a new journey towards better relationships. If there is one thing I learned from running a marathon is that you don’t do it alone.

I feel like I have really great relationships. I have great friends, a fantastic daughter, and a loving supportive spouse. I don’t want to take them for granted. I want them to know that I am grateful for them. I want to know them better. I know from hard work that good gets better and just when you think it is as good as gets if you just work harder it gets even better. I have feeling relationships are the same way.

I am starting with my marriage. It is great. I know that I am loved and in everything I do Lavender supports me. I am in love and enjoy spending time and doing things with her. I never thought I could have this great love. It is because of this that I want to work to make it better, deeper, more meaningful. We have talked about this but we haven’t decided exactly what kind of things we are going to do to be more purposeful in our relationship. Whatever things do I am excited. Those things that I feel work well (and are sharable) I will share with you. If you have done something, that has brought deeper meaning in your relationship than I would love to hear about it.

2011, what I have learned from you is that life just keeps getting better IF you keep working on it! 2012, I can’t wait for you!

When I was a Boy

When I was a boy, I drove tractors and played in the mud. I caught snakes and climbed trees. I burped, belched, and farted whenever I needed to and sometimes just when I wanted to; except of course when my grandmother was present because not even boys do those types of things in front of their grandma.

When I was a boy I drove a go-cart with no brakes. I used my feet for those.

When I was a boy I cherished my bruises and scrapes. I wore them like a badge of honor.

When I was a boy I got my haircut at the barbershop and my jeans from the Tractor Supply Store. To get dressed up, I would wear my darkest blue jeans, nicest cowboy boots, and my cowboy shirt with the shiny buttons. That’s how I knew it was a nice shirt, when it had shiny snap buttons.

When I was a boy I could pee farther and longer than Jimmy Wallace. That’s how I knew I was really cool.

Than in fourth grade my step-mother came along and told me I needed to behave like a lady. I couldn’t belch or fart. I had to get my haircut by a beautician. It was unacceptable to wear clothes from the Tractor Supply Store. I tried to explain to her that those clothes were just made better and didn’t rip and tear as easy but she had none of that.

Gender identiy was so much easier for me when I was 7 and the only thing I needed to be was me. I found this quote about a year ago-
"I want to live in a world where the words male and female are flexible and subjective, even redundant. A world of perpetual transformation, where sexuality and gender become obsolete as people begin to question why they should be the same person, day in, day out. A world where the overriding ethos is to question and explore your sexuality and gender without the restrictions prevalent in 'normal' society. Questioning what is masculine and what is feminine is about redrawing the boundaries (or removing them altogether) surrounding activities that are seen as inherently male or female. I long for a world where the old oppositions of male/female, masculine/feminine, heterosexual/homosexual have dissolved. I want to live in a world where I am free to be whoever I want to be, whenever I want to be, male, female, other or neither." - unknown

I leave you with a link to Dar William’s song “When I Was a Boy.” Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BE5YzRr9yPo&feature=related

Post-Marathon Blues

I received my official finishers’ certificate from the marathon about a week ago. That was cool. I ran an 8k Turkey Trot in Chicago on Thanksgiving beating my time last year by 5 minutes. That was cool. My daughter was a volunteer at the Turkey Tot and it was great seeing her 3 ½ miles into the race. I have enjoyed sleeping. I have also enjoyed being able to hear my wife preach on Sundays. Since I don’t have to wake up early I have enjoyed some late nights out and a few extra margarita’s to go with those late nights.

It was hard training for the marathon in the middle of my crazy busy year. There were times when I thought not only was I going to go insane trying to ‘do it all’ but that I was going to make my family insane with me.

Here I am now a month and half later and I miss training for the marathon. I miss the long runs. I miss the time by myself. I miss the runners on the trail. I miss the therapy it gave me. I miss the pain in my body. Yep, I miss the pain. I miss the joy of reaching a new running goal.

When people ask me if I will run another marathon the answer is “YES!” I want to run again next year but I am not sure I can commit to the training this upcoming year but I already have dreams of destination marathons in my future. I can’t wait to do it again. Who would have ever thought I would say that?

Right now I have the post-marathon blues but I know there is another marathon journey around the corner and I hope when it happens my friends and family will not be sick of hearing me talk about running and journey with me again.

Run On!