Goodbye 2011! Hello 2012!

Two years ago today I decided to make a better me. It took a few months to overcome my biggest obstacle. At this time I didn’t even know it was a problem for me. I couldn’t leave my house and walk around by myself in my own my neighborhood. Past problems and relationships left me with such overwhelming anxiety that the furthest I would walk outside my door was to the car. I walked with Lavender when she was home. We went out almost every day she was home no matter the weather. By spring I was stronger physically and more importantly mentally as I had begun working through some of my emotional baggage. I started venturing out on my own.

Fast forward to this past year, I have continued to work on myself like it was a job. (It really has been my job.) I painted more, I took Zumba classes, I danced in public, I ran a marathon, and I graduated from college. This a far cry from a person afraid to leave her home.

I am going to continue on my journey towards a better me but this year I am going to start a new journey towards better relationships. If there is one thing I learned from running a marathon is that you don’t do it alone.

I feel like I have really great relationships. I have great friends, a fantastic daughter, and a loving supportive spouse. I don’t want to take them for granted. I want them to know that I am grateful for them. I want to know them better. I know from hard work that good gets better and just when you think it is as good as gets if you just work harder it gets even better. I have feeling relationships are the same way.

I am starting with my marriage. It is great. I know that I am loved and in everything I do Lavender supports me. I am in love and enjoy spending time and doing things with her. I never thought I could have this great love. It is because of this that I want to work to make it better, deeper, more meaningful. We have talked about this but we haven’t decided exactly what kind of things we are going to do to be more purposeful in our relationship. Whatever things do I am excited. Those things that I feel work well (and are sharable) I will share with you. If you have done something, that has brought deeper meaning in your relationship than I would love to hear about it.

2011, what I have learned from you is that life just keeps getting better IF you keep working on it! 2012, I can’t wait for you!

When I was a Boy

When I was a boy, I drove tractors and played in the mud. I caught snakes and climbed trees. I burped, belched, and farted whenever I needed to and sometimes just when I wanted to; except of course when my grandmother was present because not even boys do those types of things in front of their grandma.

When I was a boy I drove a go-cart with no brakes. I used my feet for those.

When I was a boy I cherished my bruises and scrapes. I wore them like a badge of honor.

When I was a boy I got my haircut at the barbershop and my jeans from the Tractor Supply Store. To get dressed up, I would wear my darkest blue jeans, nicest cowboy boots, and my cowboy shirt with the shiny buttons. That’s how I knew it was a nice shirt, when it had shiny snap buttons.

When I was a boy I could pee farther and longer than Jimmy Wallace. That’s how I knew I was really cool.

Than in fourth grade my step-mother came along and told me I needed to behave like a lady. I couldn’t belch or fart. I had to get my haircut by a beautician. It was unacceptable to wear clothes from the Tractor Supply Store. I tried to explain to her that those clothes were just made better and didn’t rip and tear as easy but she had none of that.

Gender identiy was so much easier for me when I was 7 and the only thing I needed to be was me. I found this quote about a year ago-
"I want to live in a world where the words male and female are flexible and subjective, even redundant. A world of perpetual transformation, where sexuality and gender become obsolete as people begin to question why they should be the same person, day in, day out. A world where the overriding ethos is to question and explore your sexuality and gender without the restrictions prevalent in 'normal' society. Questioning what is masculine and what is feminine is about redrawing the boundaries (or removing them altogether) surrounding activities that are seen as inherently male or female. I long for a world where the old oppositions of male/female, masculine/feminine, heterosexual/homosexual have dissolved. I want to live in a world where I am free to be whoever I want to be, whenever I want to be, male, female, other or neither." - unknown

I leave you with a link to Dar William’s song “When I Was a Boy.” Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BE5YzRr9yPo&feature=related

Post-Marathon Blues

I received my official finishers’ certificate from the marathon about a week ago. That was cool. I ran an 8k Turkey Trot in Chicago on Thanksgiving beating my time last year by 5 minutes. That was cool. My daughter was a volunteer at the Turkey Tot and it was great seeing her 3 ½ miles into the race. I have enjoyed sleeping. I have also enjoyed being able to hear my wife preach on Sundays. Since I don’t have to wake up early I have enjoyed some late nights out and a few extra margarita’s to go with those late nights.

It was hard training for the marathon in the middle of my crazy busy year. There were times when I thought not only was I going to go insane trying to ‘do it all’ but that I was going to make my family insane with me.

Here I am now a month and half later and I miss training for the marathon. I miss the long runs. I miss the time by myself. I miss the runners on the trail. I miss the therapy it gave me. I miss the pain in my body. Yep, I miss the pain. I miss the joy of reaching a new running goal.

When people ask me if I will run another marathon the answer is “YES!” I want to run again next year but I am not sure I can commit to the training this upcoming year but I already have dreams of destination marathons in my future. I can’t wait to do it again. Who would have ever thought I would say that?

Right now I have the post-marathon blues but I know there is another marathon journey around the corner and I hope when it happens my friends and family will not be sick of hearing me talk about running and journey with me again.

Run On!