Before and After

There are a lot of before and after’s in my life.
After I had my second divorce
Before I ‘came out’
After I went back to school
Before my daughter was old enough to not need a babysitter
Before I met my wife
After I fell in love with her
Before I could run a mile
After the first time I ran 10 miles.
The list could go on but for your sanity and not wanting you to fall asleep I will stop here.

The one type of ‘before and after’ I can’t get into is weight loss pictures. I know that they provide some with inspiration and I also know some people who carry their ‘before’ pictures with them to keep them motivated but this is not for me. (Please don’t hear me saying that this is wrong. It just isn’t right for me.)

I am trying to learn to respect my body and all that it has done for me. I am trying to live outside of shame. I feel like if I looked at my past pictures as before weight loss that somehow I am not honoring how amazing my body was to me during that time period. My body at 260 pounds was worthy of love, respect, and praise. I was beautiful and I couldn’t see it. Instead I chose to hate my body.

My spouse wrote this on a picture she drew and hung it in our room, it is to her younger self, “Little one, you are wise and strong. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for offering us shelter and healing. Please, let us heal together. We are beautiful.”

Take out the “little one” and change it to 260 pound body and that is what I wish I could go back and tell myself.