Small Circle

For me running has been a form of therapy. I start running and let go of my mind. I see myself more clearly. I have had some really good runs that have ended in some really great crys. My walls come down and I allow myself to feel. I allow myself to be open and free my emotions.
Recently I had one of those really good runs that ended in a really great cry. It was on this run that I realized just how depressed I had been during a certain period of my life. This was a time in my life just after my second divorce. I was raising my child, losing my house, working 40+ hours, being sued, trying to go school, starting yet another abusive relationship, broke, sexually violated, and losing a business. Yet, I smiled during this period so much that my cheeks hurt. I acted happy. Sometimes I even thought I was happy. I had no energy left for very many real conversations. I was a fake to myself and to my friends. I lost a lot of friends. Because when you don't have the energy to maintain a friendship that's what happens.
All of this sounds depressing but at the end of the run my tears were about joy. The joy of knowing I survived. The joy of the small circle of friends that stuck it out with me. The joy of knowing that these days I smile less but laugh a whole lot more!

This is part of the small circle of friends that surrounded me and my wife on our wedding day.