Last January I had a goal to lose 60 pounds. I thought it would make me feel better about myself. I thought maybe I could love my body and then be able to love myself. I thought I would feel beautiful. Losing 60 pounds was not going to make me skinny I weighed 260 but I thought it would make a big difference in my attitude towards my body. I will never forget standing on the scale and seeing it read 200 pounds I should have been happy but as looked at myself in the mirror I saw my stomach and my round full cheeks, I thought what is the point? I felt disappointed not beautiful.
One morning after a run I looked in the mirror. I saw myself, my beautiful self. There I saw my strong legs that not only ran me around these days but also carried my weight, emotional as well as physical, for all of these years. I knew that my body was beautiful both at 200 pounds and 260.
I still get on the scale. I now weigh 175. I still look in the mirror after seeing those numbers and think what is the point? My stomach is still flabby. My face is still fat. I just want to go back to eating what I want, when I want.
Then I go on a run. Now, every time I get back from running I make it a point to stand in front of the mirror and check myself out. I marvel at my legs, my back, and my amazing body. I feel strong and beautiful. I feel healthy. In that moment the scale doesn't matter. Eating healthy doesn't feel like a challenge but away of saying thank you to my body.
I want to move past my weight. I don't want to care what the numbers on the scale say. I want to move past that part. I will keep working on it. It is a journey.
I know not everyone likes to run but we all have something that makes us feel strong and beautiful. I hope for all of us we can make that our focus and not the number on the scale.
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