I Love Being Physical with My Wife!

This past weekend I ran in the Chicago Blackhawks Mad Dash to Madison 5k with my spouse. Now, I have been training for this marathon for what feels like forever. It was back in June that my ‘short’ runs became 7 miles long and my longs runs actually turned into long runs. This is also when I stopped running with my spouse. I mean let’s face it not to many people are willing to go for a seven mile fun run. So, this break away from marathon training was way more than a break. It was a chance to reconnect and remember why I started running in the first place.

When I first met Lavender I told her that I never and would never run. I really meant it to. I also informed her that I stayed inside during cold, snowy, extremely hot, or extremely cold weather. My list of things that I didn’t or wouldn’t do was amazingly long.

She on the other hand would announce that she was going for a run on a cold snowy afternoon or for a walk in the rain. This fascinated me but didn’t really interest me.

However, when I would decide that the day was nice enough I would go with her. It was great. We would talk and laugh. It was time to be with just each other.

It was the fall of 2009, when she convinced me to go for walk in the rain with her. I never knew that raindrops could be that amazing.

A month or so later she was heading out the door in the freezing cold telling me I should go with her. She had on her light jacket, a pair of gloves, and a hat. I put on 2 pairs of gloves, two shirts, 2 pairs of pants, 2 pairs of socks, a heavy winter coat, a hat, and a scarf. We walked through mounds of snow to the library. It was fun. It was great being outside breathing in the air. It was great being the only two people sharing the side walk.

It was that spring that she would say things like let’s just jog for a little while or would speed off knowing that I would chase after her. Laughing and cursing at the same time.

That summer we played at the beach, hiked the trails, and went bike riding. It was by the end of that summer that I was running! I had also enjoyed and played outside for all four seasons.

That year we spent hours outside being playful, engaging in serious conversations, and just quietly being there for each other as we wrestled through our demons.

These moments were playful, loving, caring, always sweet, and forever with me.I often wonder how it’s going to feel when I am no longer training for a marathon.

Doing this 5k has given me something to look forward to post marathon; a cold snowy winter, to run, walk, and bike with my wife. There is just something amazing about being physical with her. ;-) It has transformed me. I no longer say I will not, never, or I can’t.

Status Update: Fucking Exhausted

I haven’t blogged in a while because I don’t know where to start or even if I have anything to say.

Student teaching is harder than I ever expected. I chose a poor urban school. I wanted the experience and an experience is what I am getting. The school is understaffed and the classrooms are overflowing. Every day I wake up and see the racial injustice we have in this country and how it affects my students and their communities. It is heartbreaking.

If you think that segregation is a thing of the past or that we have equal education in this country, let me introduce you to some wonderful eager willing to learn students and their teachers who are just doing the best they can. It is a disgrace that we as country can’t figure out a way to do better.

I also started working since my last blog. It is a mixed blessing. We could use the money but I am fucking exhausted. It also interferes with my running schedule but I am doing the best I can and I did complete my second 20 mile run. I am limited to running on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Unless, I can figure out a way to not need sleep!

Another bummer is not being able to spend much time with my family. My schedule is very demanding but I am fortunate to have a strong family. It also helps that my daughter is 18 and fully capable of taking care of herself.

On the plus side my new job allows me the freedom to be able to spend 3 out of 5 hours working on lesson plans and school related things. This is truly a wonderful thing.

I feel like right now I am just trying to get through another day. I am putting one foot in front of the other and hoping I am going the right way.

I hope I make it through student teaching without a mental break down.

I hope I make it through the Marathon with only three days of training instead of four.

I hope my daughter does everything on her own to make it through all of her senior year stuff and forgives me later on in life for not being there for much of it.

I hope after all is said and done I get a job at the end of this.

I hope I can help or least be the teacher to the student who helps change the inequalities of our school systems.

I hope one day I can have an entire day to do nothing but be with my spouse!

I am on the list!

Life has been busy. I finished up work on Friday and jumped in the car with my family. We spent the night in Louisville Kentucky, visiting friends. We woke up early and headed to Knoxville Tennessee, where we spent the evening celebrating with friends and family the upcoming union of my brother-in-law and his soon to be wife! The next day my spouse married them in a beautiful mountain ceremony. I was the photographer. We spent time with family on Monday and headed back to Indiana on Tuesday. Wednesday morning I started my student teaching. Besides all this great stuff I also prepared to start a new job, took family pictures for a friend, and held a kick-ass fundraiser that benefited The Children’s Memorial Hospital!

This week would have been easy for me to fall back into the trap that there just isn’t enough time for myself. That feeling that if I take a couple hours out of the day just for me, it would be really selfish. However, Monday morning I woke up and ran 7 miles in beautiful Tennessee. It was great to be just with myself. Wednesday morning I woke up extra early and was greeted by a beautiful sunrise in the middle of my 6 mile run. It was good to take that time to calm myself before entering a classroom of children. I also ran 7 miles Thursday night. I watched the sunset. It was beautiful and quiet. Saturday I ran 20 miles! It is big accomplishment but I couldn’t help thinking while I was running is the big accomplishment this week wasn’t the 40 miles I ran but the hours I claimed for myself.

I put myself on the list and the world didn’t fall apart. In fact everything that I NEEDED to get done was done. I asked for help with the things that I didn’t actually need to do and I let go of something’s. I know it’s hard but I just want to encourage everyone to take a look at their list and move you to the top. You deserve. You need it. I promise it will get easier to do. It is an art you have to practice. I also promise you will be better for it.

“Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.” - Henry Ford

Giving Thanks to a Bathroom!

On my long runs, I leave my house in Portage and run until the trail ends in Chesterton. As anyone that runs will tell you, eventually all of that moving will lead to you having to go to the bathroom in some really bad ways. It happens. It almost always happens to me when the only bathroom that is going to be around for miles is a very scary outhouse along the trail. This thing looks disgusting on the outside. It doesn’t lock and you better bring your own toilet paper or have a spouse that is willing to hop on her bike and bring you some. I am pretty sure that you don’t want me to go into the details of the stains on the wall and floor or the smells. Just know this- for as scary as it looks it smells even worse. Imagine to my delight this morning as I am realizing that I am going to HAVE to use the scary bathroom when in the distance I see that it’s gone and a brand new port-a-potty is in its place. I have never been more grateful for a port-a-potty. When I started my run again my thoughts drifted to all of the things that I have found myself being grateful and thanking the universe for, things that I am not sure I would have ever paused to say thanks for before I started running. Here is a list of a few of my favorites.

1. Semi-clean bathrooms
2. 20 degree weather, when on previous days it had been in the teens
3. 87 degree weather, when on previous days it had been in the high nineties
4. Soft snow or light rain
5. Smiles and encouragement from complete strangers
6. Watching the seasons change
7. Seeing my spouse mid-way through my run holding out fresh water for me
8. A cat that demands I take a break to pet it
9. Watching the sun set or rise

I have always taken the time in my life to be grateful and say thanks but running has given me so many more opportunities to be grateful.

Losing Weight VS. Running

People send me emails, contact me through Facebook, and call me asking me how I started running because they want to lose weight too. First I want to tell you that I always enjoy answering their questions and I am always flattered by the kind words they say to me. It is very encouraging. However, what I want people to know is that I did not start running nor do I continue running to lose weight.

I lost weight by changing what I eat. I eat whole foods, lots of fruit and veggies. I don’t eat much meat, oil, or dairy products. I have not cut any food from my diet and the only way I would encourage someone to give up a food group is if they were doing it for religious, moral, health, or environmental reasons. If I am hungry I eat. I try and sometimes fail especially if it is an all you can eat situation to only eat until I am no longer hungry. I also wish to point out that it took me 18 months to lose 100 pounds. So, while many people are just now noticing my transformation this has been a slow work of progress. I didn’t take diet pills or have any surgery. I did however pay attention to my calories and tried to stay above 1,600 and below 2,000.

I started running after I lost the first 50 pounds. For me running is my time. I get lost in my thoughts. I explore my emotions. I let go of my past. I forgive people. I forgive myself. During a run I push myself to run further and harder, to let go of the shame that haunts me and the fears that paralyze me. Running makes me feel strong, beautiful, and confident. I run because I know when I return from pushing my body’s limit to places I didn’t think were possible, I am ready to push on in other areas of my life. I run because it makes me feel alive. I run because I never thought I could and every time I go out there I am showing myself that I can do all the things I never dreamed possible.

I hope that all of you can find something that empowers you, gives you space, makes you feel confident, and brings out your inner beauty.

Running for Children's Memorial Hospital!

The Children’s Memorial Marathon Team Kick-Off Party was yesterday. It was a chance to “meet your teammates, pick up your uniform and receive a tour of Children's Memorial Hospital!” I was excited to go and it was a beautiful evening. Some of the patients and their families were there. It was good to see them. It was inspiring to hear why some of the other runners are running on the Children’s Memorial Team. I was glad I went. I am also very thankful that I choose to run for the Children’s Memorial Marathon Team.

Most of you can probably already know why I chose to run and raise money for the Children’s Memorial but just in case you missed my spouse is a chaplain there. The work which her colleagues and she does inspire me, tugs at my heart, and often makes me cry. When I first met her I was unclear of what a chaplain actually does. I knew she was a minister and so I figured it was about religion. Me not really being into religion didn’t really ask a whole lot of questions about her job.

It wasn’t until a couple months into dating her that I really began understanding how important a chaplain is to patients and their families. My daughter and I were spending the weekend at her house in Chicago. We had met her at her work and were taking the bus back to her place. She told us that she just had to drop off this memory box to family in the morning and then she had the rest of the weekend to spend with us. Here I am sitting on the train holding my daughters hand staring at the memory box. It hit me hard what was in there. I started crying. She was bringing the last few things these parents would have of their child to them. It had a molded hand print and foot print, a piece of hair gently cut off and wrapped in ribbon, and whatever other items that had remand in the room that night. As I held my daughter closer to me I just couldn’t imagine.

Turns out that she also does the religion stuff prays with families, offers communion, and baptizes babies and children. She also does what important things like watches SpongeBob with a child who is scared and for whatever reason his/her caregiver can’t be there. She supports parents through emotional and draining times. She tells stories, sits quietly in the dark, listens, comforts, and helps children deal with the reality of being sick. She also supports the staff and is there to listen to their problems and the emotional toll it takes on them to take care of really sick children every day. I don’t know how she does her job but as a mother I know how important she must be to all of these children, staff, and family members because if my daughter was in the hospital and I couldn’t be there the person sitting watching SpongeBob and giving her ice chips would be my hero.

My wife supports me and encourages me in everything I do. I am so proud to be raising money that helps and supports her important work.

http://www.heroesforlife.org/site/TR/MarathonTeam/MarathonTeam?px=1490681&pg=personal&fr_id=1260

100 pounds

I lost 100 pounds. I thought when and if I ever got to this point I would have a Biggest Loser moment. In case you have no clue about the show, it is where contestants compete to lose the highest percentage of weight for a cash prize. Every season they always have these moments where a contestant gets up on the scale for their weekly weigh in to discover that they have lost an over all of 100 pounds. The contests sometimes cheers, cries, thanks God, thanks the trainers, jump up down, sings, or any combination of joy that can be expressed.

Anyway that’s the moment I thought I would have but I didn’t. I woke up stepped on the scale and saw that 160 and was like hmm. I felt indifferent about it. It took me a week to even say out loud that I lost 100 pounds. I didn’t care to shout it from the roof tops. It really didn't seem to matter. I was worried about myself. I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t excited. Why didn’t I want to celebrate this? My spouse offered this answer, “Maybe it's not the weight but the life that has meaning.” She is right. It is no longer about the weight, it never really was. It is about the life that I am living.

I may have lost a 100 pounds but what I have gained is something that can’t be measured.