A Piece of Paper

I graduated in December. It was like end of January when they said we could stop by and pick up our diploma. I wasn’t in a hurry. After all it was just a piece of paper. I only needed that piece paper so I could get a job, the paper didn’t mean that much.

Fast forward to March. I find the JOB! I excitedly start the job as a middle school special education teacher. My first few days, I was in a haze. I was trying to figure out how my years (and years) of college translated in the real world. I was feeling overwhelmed. I didn’t know where to start or even how to make a plan to start.

This is when I decided to go pick up that piece of paper. The paper that was meaningless to me. I walk into the office and tell them that I am here to pick up my diploma. The lady behind the counter says, “Congratulations, you must be so proud of yourself!” “Oh and see you have ‘with distinction’ on your diploma that’s impressive,” she adds. Thank you I say in a very monotone voice. Then she hands me the diploma and something comes over me. I hold back tears as I leave the office and head back to my car.

I get inside my car and just start sobbing. I hold in my hands a piece of paper with my name on it. Because I didn’t graduate from high school it is the only diploma I have with my name on it. I had no idea how powerful a piece of paper could feel. All the struggling that it took to get this point came flooding to the surface. It was more than the late nights, the working full time, and being a single mom while trying to go to school. The struggle was overcoming opinions and statistics, facing my fears, and telling myself I was worth it, talented, smart and deserving of an education.

This piece of paper does not help me figure out how to write a lesson plan and make a schedule for 22 students in six different classes, three grades and all different abilities. It does not tell me how to write a real IEP or what to say to parents and teachers. It doesn’t tell me much of anything in the way it relates directly to my job. It does however tell me that I deserve to be here. I will work my butt off to figure out the rest and I already care deeply about my students and want them to succeed. So, lesson plans, schedules, and IEPs will get done even if at times it is overwhelming. And when I start to wonder if I can survive this first year I think I will take a look at that piece of paper, which means a lot to me.