An IE What? In English, Please.

I remember as a parent sitting through my first IEP meeting. For those of you that do not know an IEP is Individualized Education Plan and there is a meeting once a year. It is for students that have a disability. My daughter was diagnosed in second grade with a learning disability. That is how I ended up in my first IEP meeting. I was on one side of the table with the ‘experts’ on the other side of the table. I remember how intimidating and scary it all felt. I remember everyone using words and terms that I didn’t understand. I left that meeting feeling awful about myself as a parent. I also felt after I left that everyone in that room was talking about what an awful parent I was and having a good laugh at my lack of education.

I remember the first IEP meeting I set through as a student. The parent brought her youngest son with her and shared her hopes and dreams for her children. She admitted that she could not help them much with their homework because she did not understand it. She told us that her five children all had different dads. She told us that her current ‘baby daddy’ was in jail and that her son’s father the one we were having the IEP meeting for was in prison. She worried about the lack of male role models in her children’s life. She didn’t want them to have the same lifestyle they were seeing. She told us that is why she is here. She wanted to make sure her children got a better education.

She left the room and the other team members turned to me and asked what I thought of Mrs. Z. My heart sank as I felt my nightmare coming true from all of my IEP meetings. I replied that I thought Mrs. Z was a poor struggling mother trying to do the best she could. I said, “I can tell that she cares deeply for her children and that she wants great things for them. She showed up to this meeting today even though she had less than a 24 hour notice, doesn’t drive, and is exhausted from taking care of a toddler. She loves them. That is what I thought of her.” The room chuckled and said I just needed more time.

Educators scream that they want more parent involvement but then talk negatively about the parents. Something needs to change. We are on the same team and we all need to act like it.

I hope I don’t ‘harden' over time. I hope in twenty years I can still see parents who love their child and just want them to have a better life. I hope I still understand what it was like to show up as a single mother with no education and sit on the other side of the table while the ‘experts’ told me about my child. I have 11 IEP’s to have written before the end of the school year. I will be leading the meetings this time. I hope that no mother ever leaves the room and feels like we are talking or laughing about them.