Fear and Doubt

This was my first week of ‘official’ marathon training. I am following a seventeen week plan. The first week is 3 six mile runs and 1 ten mile run. I usually do 4 six mile runs so this week shouldn’t have been hard for me. It was amazingly hard.

Monday came around I did my first run. Tuesday came and I couldn’t get myself out the door. Wednesday came and I was sure I had made a mistake in signing up for the marathon. I was positive there was no way I was going to make it. Doubt came over me. Fear started paralyzing me. I was running out of days to run. I just kept thinking that I wasn’t even going to make it through my first week of training.

Lavender, my spouse, started her vacation Wednesday. Thursday morning she woke up and said let’s go for a run. That was the first turning point for me.

Friday I sent out my first set of emails asking for donations to the Children’s Memorial Hospital. I am running the Chicago Marathon on their team because that’s where Lavender works and I wanted to do something to say ‘thank you’ to her for all of her support and belief in me. Anyway, I went out for a run after sending those emails. When I got back my Aunt Linda and Uncle Robert had already responded and donated. That made my day.

All of this leads me to today. I was feeling so much better. I was back to my “I can do this” attitude. Today was my last run for the week, my ten miler. Lavender and I started the run together (we do this a lot). She ran her 3 miles and then came home, hopped on her bike, did some errands and then surprised me by meeting up with me on my seventh mile.

Self-doubt, fear, and anxiety sometimes make it hard to keep going. I think the amazing thing is that we all keep going. I am grateful for the extra push and support this week. I am grateful that even in the midst of fear and doubt I was able to recognize the support and see beyond this week to a bigger, stronger, and more meaningful life.

This is What I Know

This is what I know-

I do not do well with change.

I love routine.

I like schedules and list.

2012 is going to be an amazing year for my family full of accomplishments and celebrations, yet complicated by so many unknowns.

First off, I will graduate! Where will I be able to find a job? Will I be able to find a job? Next my spouse’s job changes location. This means she also loses her place to sleep in the city? How ill she ever get enough sleep? Will we have to buy a second car? Will we be able to afford two apartments for a while? Will I have a job that can help with this?

Our daughter graduates! Where will she go to school? Will we be able to give her money towards her education? How much? Will I have a job that can help with this?

Finally we are moving. How far away will be from our daughter, who will be away at school? How often will I get to see her? How hard will it be to be separated from someone that I have been with for over half my life? Where will we move? Will I have a job that can help with this?

There is nothing we can do right now to find answers. We have to wait. We can’t help my daughter pick a school because we don’t know where we will be living or how much money we will have to help her. We can’t decide where to live because we don’t know where I will be able to find a job.

This is what I know; Monday I start a training plan for the Chicago Marathon. I have a schedule. It is written in my calendar book. I know that I will wake up early Monday morning, run, come home start my coffee, check my email, eat my oatmeal and repeat until October 9th. I know I will drive a lot of people crazy talking about the marathon and my training. I know this marathon is important to me because I can’t focus on all the changes and unknowns. This gives me a schedule. This gives me a routine, at least until the marathon.

I know that I am grateful for the routine of running, the schedule of training, and the support and love of friends and family.

Quinoa!

I love quinoa. Below is my basic recipe for it. I use this as a side dish or stir in some easy add-ins for the main dish. Tonight I added cooked adzuki beans and served it with zucchini, avocado, and baked corn tortillas topped with fresh salsa. Another thing that I love doing with it is adding sautéed mushrooms, red pepper, and a bag of fresh spinach. I hope you will give it a try. Quinoa is a bit expensive when it comes to grains but stores like Whole Foods sells it in bulk. Quinoa is rich in nutrients and it is a complete protein, meaning that it includes all nine essential amino acids.

Ingredients
1- Cup of quinoa
1- Can of tomatoes (I buy the salt free ones) or 3-4 chopped tomatoes
1- Jalapeño pepper, diced
1- Poblano pepper, diced
1- Lime
4- Garlic cloves, diced
Fresh cilantro

Directions
In a medium non-stick pan (so you don’t have to use oil) slightly cook the peppers and garlic over medium heat for about five minutes. Add the quinoa and 2 cups of water bring to a boil, cover, lower the heat and let that cook for about 15 minutes. Stir in the tomatoes and cook all the juice out, about five more minutes, stir in cilantro and juice from one lime. Enjoy!