Fear and Doubt

This was my first week of ‘official’ marathon training. I am following a seventeen week plan. The first week is 3 six mile runs and 1 ten mile run. I usually do 4 six mile runs so this week shouldn’t have been hard for me. It was amazingly hard.

Monday came around I did my first run. Tuesday came and I couldn’t get myself out the door. Wednesday came and I was sure I had made a mistake in signing up for the marathon. I was positive there was no way I was going to make it. Doubt came over me. Fear started paralyzing me. I was running out of days to run. I just kept thinking that I wasn’t even going to make it through my first week of training.

Lavender, my spouse, started her vacation Wednesday. Thursday morning she woke up and said let’s go for a run. That was the first turning point for me.

Friday I sent out my first set of emails asking for donations to the Children’s Memorial Hospital. I am running the Chicago Marathon on their team because that’s where Lavender works and I wanted to do something to say ‘thank you’ to her for all of her support and belief in me. Anyway, I went out for a run after sending those emails. When I got back my Aunt Linda and Uncle Robert had already responded and donated. That made my day.

All of this leads me to today. I was feeling so much better. I was back to my “I can do this” attitude. Today was my last run for the week, my ten miler. Lavender and I started the run together (we do this a lot). She ran her 3 miles and then came home, hopped on her bike, did some errands and then surprised me by meeting up with me on my seventh mile.

Self-doubt, fear, and anxiety sometimes make it hard to keep going. I think the amazing thing is that we all keep going. I am grateful for the extra push and support this week. I am grateful that even in the midst of fear and doubt I was able to recognize the support and see beyond this week to a bigger, stronger, and more meaningful life.