Black-Eyed Pea Masala

I was looking for something easy and healthy. I combined several recipes I found on line for Black-Eyed Pea Masala to make this recipe. I took out the oil, added extra garlic, and simplified it. I was very happy how it came out and my family all seemed pleased with it. The only thing that would have made it better would have been fresh ginger and cilantro.
Ingredients

1 can of green chilies
8 garlic cloves, minced
3 teaspoons of ginger
2 1/2 teaspoons curry powder or
2 1/2 teaspoons garam masala
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
1 cup of salsa
salt, to taste
1 package of frozen black-eyed peas
2 tablespoons cilantro


Cook black-eyed peas accaroding to package directions adding in the above ingredients. Serve with brown rice.

The Truth

People often ask me what I did to lose weight and I tell them exercise and healthy eating. That is the truth, the easy half of the truth. The more difficult hard truth doesn’t come in a neat little bow and package.

The hard truth is that for every ounce of weight I lost I had to go back and uncover the pain that I buried with food. The pain that was still fresh because I had never dealt with any of it. I would remember things that I had blocked out of my mind. Like when I told my mother that my paternal grandfather was molesting me and she told me at the time a 7 year old, that she wished there was something she could do to help me. She then handed me a whole bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. I ate the whole entire bag in about 10 minutes.

The truth is that my childhood was difficult and food was how I coped. I did the best I could. I survived.

My mother did not raise me and I am mostly thankful for that. Her love is conditional and in order to receive it you must not say or do the wrong thing because she will stop talking to you. She will wipe you out of her life. The truth is I don’t want that to happen to me. I don’t see her much but this year for spring break I wanted to see some family I haven’t seen for a while. She invited herself to stay in the same hotel I was staying in. I didn’t say anything I just ate candy bar. I ate the past three days not because I was hungry but because I was stuffing down the pain. I know that I can never have a real relationship with my mother. I know that just to stay a small part of her life I can’t share myself with her. The truth is that it still hurts.

The truth is that I converted back to my old habits. I ate to numb myself to keep the pain down. I could beat myself up over this, over the extra food I consumed but I also know that I did the best I could. I survived.

This morning instead of punishing myself, I treated myself. I went on hike to my favorite place. I sat and meditated at the top of sand dune overlooking Lake Michigan and tried to deal with my feelings. I cried. I laughed. I screamed. I sat silently. I rejoiced in the truth I have survived and that my best is getting better.

The truth is that losing weight and keeping it off is not just about food and exercise.

Celebrate Wa Ching!

Yesterday was Wa Ching Day. If you forgot to celebrate it don’t worry, you’ll have a chance to celebrate this great holiday in a few days. What is this great holiday you ask? Let me explain.
I was in kindergarten classroom on Wednesday helping out with calendar time. The students put one slash for everyday of the month. Wednesday was the 9th, therefore they had nine slashes. They excitedly exclaimed, “Yay! Tomorrow is Wa Ching Day!”
I had to ask what is Wa Ching Day. They seemed so happy about this day. I knew it had to be something they had been looking forward to for months. They looked at me like I had six eyes for not knowing this holiday but excitedly explained to me that Wa Ching day is when the get to put a slash across the other four slashes and say “Wa Ching!”
I want that kind of celebration in my heart.
Think about how great it would be if we could all celebrate and look forward to our own Wa Ching days.
What days of the week can you turn into a celebration?
I have Salad Wednesdays with my daughter, Monday Margarita’s with my wife and Friday Reflections with myself. I never have thought of these times as celebration. They are days that just fit into my schedule such as the 5,10,15,20,25,&30 of the month. I am going to take a lesson from a group of 5 and 6 year olds and celebrate and rejoice in my Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I am going to look for reasons to embrace each day as a celebration and a reason to look forward to the next day.
I invite you to go embrace the day, celebrate it, and find your Wa Ching!

I am WOMAN hear me meow I mean roar!

I went into crazy mode last Sunday. You know that place of not having rational thoughts because you are having irrational feelings. Normally I would blame this on hormones. Yep, I admit I have PMS in a very ugly way but this was not the case on Sunday. This was something deeper and bigger. This was about being a female in this world and the way in which we are raised.
You might be thinking that I am still not being rational but I assure you that I have thought this through in my best rational voice.
Here is the back story. I wanted to go running really bad but other things kept popping up. I knew I only had a few hours with the sun but what I wanted to do did not seem important. (Irrational thoughts) After all it was just running. Here is the most damaging thought that I had that day- ‘Other people and their needs are more important than mine.’
Where did I get such a thought? The simple answer I was born female. I knew from an early age by watching my female relatives, friends moms, and TV that even if they worked outside of the house that it was their job to make sure their husbands were happy and feed, the kids were taken care of, the house was clean, and whatever time was left, if there was any time left, that was their time to take care of their needs.
I know we are in a different place but how much have we really changed our insides? Do we put ourselves first? Do we take of our needs before taking care of other people? When we do take care of our needs, do we feel guilty?
I am not talking about the give and take of all relationships. I am not talking about those times when you give up sleep because your child is sick. I am not talking about the times when you have to drop everything because your mother/friend/spouse/neighbor needs you. Things happen.
I am talking about the way we cater to our children and all of their needs and wants. I am talking about how we try to do it all- a clean house, work, dinner, PTO, our children’s schedules, committees, charities, church, and the list continues. The way we put everyone else’s needs (and wants), in front of our own needs. And we try to do it all flawlessly and make it appear easy.
I feel lucky; I am in a family that does not put that on me. However, I still find myself putting it on me. I have worked hard at finding that voice that I was never given. It is the small things that I do like telling my daughter that I haven’t had a chance to sit down all day and that’s what I really need to do, so she is going to need to walk the ½ mile to dance. Sometimes I can enjoy that time and sit down but then sometimes I feel guilty. I start thinking ‘What is the big the big deal? Why didn’t I just take her?’
It is small steps. After having a break down and crying to my wife about how I really wanted to run but these other things seemed more important than my needs, she reminded me that my needs were also important and that I NEEDED to voice them. We went running and I felt better about life and my day.
I am a work in progress and I continue to try and figure out how to put myself in my life! I want things to be different for my daughter. I don’t want her to grow up with same images I did of what a woman ‘has to do for her family.’ I want her to have a voice. I want her to know that her needs are just as important as everyone’s. I hope that if my daughter chooses to have a family, she can look at her children or partner and say, “I don’t really feel like doing that. I am tired and I just want to sit here for a while.” I then hope she sits down guilt free with a beverage of her choice and relaxes.