Integrity or Scores: I Choose Integrity

My students are not standard. They don't learn at the same rate. Some of them are brilliant but not book smart. Some have a high IQ but I worry that they will never find a job.

At this time of every year anxiety is up. Teachers stress, parents stress, and students stress as we prepare to take the standardized state tests. It's how I will be evaluated as a teacher, how my school is evaluated, and it can determine the classes my students will or will not be allowed to take.

I hate this test. I hate how much focus goes into this test. This test does not examine the important part of my job. I sew buttons, put on band aids, provide food, give out pencils, and buy the occasional uniforms. I have listened to two different students describe how their mother was shot in front of them. I held a student that was crying while describing how he felt while he was being raped in jail. I have students that do odd jobs for money to keep their electricity on and ones that raise younger siblings because mom works several jobs. I have students that have been abused and neglected by their families and the system. I have students that read at a third grade level but better than anyone else in the house so it's their job to try and navigate the bills and our messed up welfare system. After I give them the attention, the love, safety and respect they deserve and have earned, I teach math and reading.

Fuck standardized testing. It will never tell the true stories of the AMAZING individuals I have the privilege of knowing. It will not show their life skills, their true academic growth, or their perseverance. I will never understand how the government thinks one test can grade the work my students and I do everyday.

Below is an essay one of my students wrote. If I am to be graded on just one thing, let it be this.

The school that I was at before was not trying to teach me anything because I was in a special education class because I have learning disability. The teacher treated me like I was dumb and could not learn. I didn’t do reading and in math I was doing work way below my grade level.

I came to school my 7^th grade. My reading level was at first grade and my math was at fourth grade level. I had some anger and behavior problems. I couldn’t read and so I made sure that teachers did not bother me by acting up. So that made me a little sad.

Watching my teachers reach out even though I acted up is the best model of integrity I’ve seen. They told me exactly where I was at and where I needed to be at the end of the year. My teachers treated me with respect showing me how to act with respect.

Applying myself has shown me the gift of perseverance. I tried to read but it was hard. I didn’t give up. Now I’m willing to read out loud in class. I have the wisdom to think clearly about my gift and behaviors. So now I’m above grade in math and improving my reading every day. Deeper understanding gives me self-control. I improved my behaviors a lot.  

I have compassion because I know how it feels to want to do something but don’t know how to do it. I’m writing this to encourage others. I want them to have confidence in themselves.

Letting my guard down took a lot of courage for me. I can be more for myself and my family and that is why I’m grateful to my teachers.