Trigger Warning!
I am about to reveal very personal information about myself
that might be uncomfortable for you to know about me. If you can’t handle it
stop reading now!
I used to not share this information with folks because I
was ashamed. Now, I don’t share it because it makes people uncomfortable.
Not Another Abortion
Story
I just turned 17, when I found out I was pregnant with my
daughter. I loved her from the moment I knew she was growing inside me. My
father and stepmother were not so happy. I told my stepmother in the car, she
was so shocked, she stopped the car in the middle of the highway. We drove home
in silence. She flung open the door and screamed at my father, “YOUR DAUGHTER
IS PREGNANT.”
After a cigarette my father declared I would get an abortion.
He was worried about the shame I would bring to the family. He didn’t want
people to find out his daughter was “whore.”
The next week was a blur of frenzied activities. I refused
to go to the doctor because I was afraid, he would pay off a doctor to give me
an abortion. I got in contact with pro-life attorneys, and they made sure my
father knew he was being watched. I was given an ultimatum, end my pregnancy or
get out of my father’s house.
It wasn’t a hard choice. I loved my baby. I would do
anything for her. Even at 17, I understood some of what my decision would mean.
I was giving up a privileged life. One with horses, horseback riding lessons,
fancy vacations, opportunities for amazing international boarding high schools,
and flying lessons. I knew my daughter’s life would be very different than mine,
but I also knew that she would grow up with all my love.
I fought hard to keep my daughter. I gave up that life of privilege
and my family. It was more than worth it. I loved being pregnant. I love being a
mom. I love being Susan’s mom. I wish I could have given her an easier life,
one where money wasn’t an issue, but I absolutely did the right thing. If I knew now what I knew then I would make
the same choice a million times over.
Pro-life folks are probably thinking this a great story!
Look at the outcome! Pro-choice folks are also thinking this is a great story, a 17-year-old
who fought to make a choice for her body!
When people ask about why I didn’t have a relationship with
my father, this is the story I tell them. It doesn’t make people uncomfortable.
They cheer me on. Sometimes, they tell me I should forgive him and I just shrug
and change the topic.
I won the right to govern my body in that story. In this
next story, I didn’t get to choose what happened to body. It did end happy.
Fast forward to 4 years after I gave birth to that perfect
baby girl. My father, stepmom, and siblings were living in China. I talked to
them maybe once month. I was 21 years old. I was the youngest retail manger at
the portrait company where I worked. I worked crazy hours. I was proud of myself
for not becoming the “white trailer trash welfare queen” that my father said I
would become. I wasn’t able to provide for my daughter in the same ways my
father provided for me, but I was providing for her and always giving her all
my love. I was happy.
My father called and told me he was flying to the states to
buy a helicopter for a client. He would be Tennessee mostly but wanted to know
if I could spend the weekend with him in Indiana. I was excited to see him. It
wasn’t that long ago, that I was “daddy’s little girl.” We talked about dinners,
places we would shop, and all the fun we would have hanging out, the three of
us. He said he couldn’t wait to get to know his granddaughter and spoil us
both.
I rearranged my work schedule, picked outfits for me and my
daughter to wear that weekend, and thought about the possibilities of what it
meant to have my father in my life again. Maybe he would help pay for college?
Maybe we could go visit them in China? Maybe I would be allowed to talk to my
brother and sister again?
He was late getting in the first night. It didn’t matter
because Susan was at her father’s house until the next morning. I told him I
didn’t care what time he landed, I wanted to see him right away. Around 10pm, he
called to say he finally made. He picked me up. Because it was so late, he
decided we should just go to his hotel room and order room service.
I chatted nervously about my life, and he gave me updates on
my stepmom and siblings on the drive there.
All the pleasantries ended when we got into the hotel room. In
that room, he wanted to make it clear that my body was his and he would do
whatever he wanted to it. I was raped. My father, the person who spent 17 years
raising me, raped me.
I escaped that early morning with just some of my clothes. I
called my boyfriend at the time to pick me up. I couldn’t even tell him what
happened but somehow, he knew.
My father tried to call me the next day to sort things out.
My stepmom called me, angry. “How could you have sex with my husband,” she spit
into the telephone.
I shut down. I ignored that it happened. It was weeks later
when I realized that my period was late. At the same time, I knew without a
doubt that if I was pregnant, I would kill the cancerous cells growing in my
womb.
You just read one of my most personal truths. Most of you probably wish you didn’t know something so personal about me. But that is
just it, abortion is personal. I keep seeing folks debating on the laws around
abortion.
“I can agree to abortions for life saving measures or in the
cases of rape.” It took me 25 years to tell you I was raped. Do you really think,
everyone can utter the words to their doctor or police just weeks after it
happened?
“There is a statistic that 75% of women who had an abortion
didn’t want one. This clearly shows that for most women it isn’t their choice.”
Okay Karen, I didn’t want my wisdom teeth pulled either, but I still had that
medical procedure done and no one forced me.
Abortions are a personal medical procedure. Your religion,
your ethics, your thoughts don’t get to govern other people’s bodies.
We should trust folks to decide what is best for their
bodies. There should not be a debate about when a woman gets to choose to have
a medical procedure.
If you are against abortions fight for better medical care,
fight for paid maternity leave, fight for fair housing, fight for childcare,
fight to end hunger, fight to end poverty, fight for tougher rape laws- all of
these things are proven to lower abortion rates.
Don’t fight against my ability to choose what is best for me.
