A month ago, I attended a wedding that Lavender was officiating. Imagine two doctors getting married in a Chicago Downtown art museum and all the pretty and beautiful things that means.
I didn’t know the brides. I did not know anyone there. I was just the minister’s wife. My job was to smile, eat, and drink. I would not be emotional at this wedding ceremony. I had no reason.
It was a beautiful ceremony. Lavender did a great job. The brides were both gorgeous. They said heartfelt words to each other. Friends, family, and their teenage son surrounded them. I didn’t cry.
I mean I almost didn’t cry. At the end of the ceremony, Lavender said, “by the power invested in me by the state of Illinois, I pronounce you wed for life.” I cried.
Lavender and I had been talking about making our marriage legal for legal reasons. When we had a ceremony 5 years ago, it was not legal in Illinois where we married or in Indiana where we were living. It was upsetting that we were not going to be granted the same legal protection and rights as others but we made the best of it with legal documentation like powers of attorney and me changing my last name through the courts. I didn’t imagine at that time that we would be living in a world where we would have a chance to see our marriage ‘legal.’ (It’s kinda funny to think about your marriage being illegal.)
Anyway, when we were talking about making it legal, I thought about it as it just being paperwork. No biggie. We had the ceremony, it was the wedding of our dreams. We both agreed that we would do something. Maybe get a bite to eat after filling out the paperwork. Just to mark the occasion.
Then I was at this wedding hearing those words that could not be said at our wedding. I cried knowing all the sacrifices other couples made to make this happen. The couples that couldn’t be with each other ‘during sickness’ because they weren’t legally married. The families split up because a spouse died and children were not allowed to live with only other parent they knew. I thought about last year when Lavender had a medical scare and I realized that I would not be able to use the Family Medical Leave Act to help her in any worse case scenarios.
I thought about Mildred Loving who was arrested for marrying a white man and living in Virginia. They won their court case Loving v. Virginia. She and her husband paved the way for discrimination laws against marriage.
“I believe all Americans, no matter their race, no matter their sex, no matter their sexual orientation, should have that same freedom to marry... I am still not a political person, but I am proud that Richard's and my name is on a court case that can help reinforce the love, the commitment, the fairness and the family that so many people, black or white, young or old, gay or straight, seek in life. I support the freedom to marry for all. That's what Loving, and loving, are all about.” –Mildred Loving
Making it legal will not change my marriage, my love, or what my family means to me. It will give certain rights that straight white couples have always enjoyed.
I can’t wait for out “Making it Legal, Hangover Edition”celebration January 1, 2015! I promise to cry when Erin says those magic words. I also promise to thank all those who fought so hard to make this day happen!
