One Goal

Last year a general education teacher announced to me that she did not think it was fair that ‘my’ student got to use a calculator on his math test. I am a special education teacher and one of the things I fight for is making sure ‘my’ students have a fair chance at doing and learning the same things their non-disabled peers do. This often means I make sure they have the appropriate accommodations to help them.

General education and the rest of the world could learn a lot from the running community about providing accommodations for different abilities. When I run the Chicago Marathon this October, I will do it with the top athletes of the world. I will run 26.2 miles just like them. I will cross the same finish line. The only difference is that I will finish around six hours and those top athletes will finish in just a little over two hours. But no one is going to tell me it isn’t fair because I had more time or that only my first 12 miles count. I will instead be congratulated on my personal accomplishment.

 Besides time there will be other accommodations that day. If a person is visually impaired they might run with a guide person. Some people will be running with prosthetic limbs, others in a wheel chair. Still others will be pushed the whole way through by another runner. Some runners will take frequent walk breaks. Some runners will run with headphones to drown out the million spectators.

In the running community everyone gets to run the same race and cross the same finish line, regardless of your ability or the accommodations that you need. Those that cross the Chicago Marathon finish line on October 13, no matter how the runner got there, will be considered a marathon runner. No one will say to me that it doesn’t count or that it isn’t fair because I required extra time than the top athletes. It also will not take anything away from those top athletes because I too got to run the same race as them.

Shameless plug please go here http://bit.ly/10VgYkz read why I am running for Lurie Children’s Hospital and consider donating towards my run!

After finishing the 2011 marathon in 6 hours and 14 minutes.

TW (Trigger Warning)

The night after surgery was a rough. I was in a lot of pain but of course the morning came. I was still in a lot of pain but able to get up, eat, and Lavender had opened the windows so it was bright and cheery. I was feeling better. The miracle of science and the human body… I mean less than 24 hours earlier I was cut open and an organ was removed and here I was feeling better.

Then I got a delivery, an Edible Arrangement and a get well soon balloon. The card was signed “Mom ‘C’.” It took me awhile to figure out that it was from my step-mom. At first I was like whatever and ate a piece of the fruit.

In the last 17 years I have had less than ten phone conversations with my step-mom and my father. When people ask why I don’t talk to my father I say something like “I got pregnant at seventeen and kicked out of my house.” That usually is enough information to get people to move on to the next subject. It’s not a lie just not the truth to that question.

See the truth is 17 years ago my father and his family were living overseas. He had flown to the states on business and decided to stop by and visit me. We were catching up in his hotel. I was telling him all about his granddaughter. He was filling me in on my brothers and sisters. Fast forward thirty minutes to him on top of me, I said, “Please don’t do this daddy.” Up until that point, even with all that went wrong between us in the past and the fact that I was 20, I still considered myself a daddy’s girl. But when the pain became too much in my soul and body as he forced himself onto me, I willingly took him in my mouth.

When I talked to my step mom on the phone in the coming weeks she first told me that she heard I had gotten fat and then informed me that she knew what happened. My father had told her that stuff had gotten out of hand. She said something about how bad he felt and that I should call him. I hung up the phone, shocked.  And so began 17 years of minimal contact.

The day that I got the delivery from my step-mom, I drifted in and out of medicated consciousness. The pain grew worse. My thoughts were getting uglier. My dreams were haunted and I felt like I couldn’t move. I felt miserable. By night time I had a slight fever and started dry heaving and then throwing up. Seventeen years later and I still could taste him in my mouth. Recovery from surgery didn’t go as planned.

I want to wrap this up with a nice neat little bow and talk about surviving and managing and things getting better but it might always be a mess. I might have to live with triggers and the pain of that night forever. I might always feel like white trash. I might always mourn the loss of that family. I might always replay the details in my head. I might always have dark and twisted thoughts. I might always be afraid of him. It might not ever get easier.

I keep getting up and I keep going on.

The "Get Well" balloon fixed up with a pair scissors, canvas, and oil paint.

Time for Change

After a discussion about urban violence, race, gangs, and poverty my seventh graders were directed to write about what we just discussed. They had very little instruction except to write. Please read some excerpts from different student’s writings.  

“The question is why? Why, such tragedy? Each and every day bullets are taking our young people out of the land of the living. The tragedy is over ridiculous things such as money, drugs, arguments, fights, power, revenge, and gangs.”

“Young people are getting into gangs for different reasons. They do it for protection from other gangs, to keep from being bullied, and for respect. Some people are just born into it like from generation to generation. Like a boy I knew. His dad, uncle sister, mother, and cousins are all in the same gang. He sold drugs shot people and even killed. He represented is gang to the fullest. One day he yelled at a group of guys and they killed him.”

“I shouldn’t be saying this but my family is in a gang.  I was born into it. I don’t tag or put anything up because I’m not ranked like my dad. I hate to be looked at like I am a low life. I have big dreams and smart stuff. But, being what I am in there is no way out. But I am going to be an intelligent and smart member, I don’t steal and kill.”

“My older brother joined a gang because his friends talked him into it. One day my baby brother was outside with my older brother when a different gang came by and shot three bullets.  They killed my baby brother. Young people don’t want to be in a gang but sometimes they have no choice. “

If they mentioned names of people or gangs, I left them out to protect the students who wrote these but otherwise this is the words of OUR children. These students are amazing and have the ability to change the world for the better. WE must figure out how to give them the tools to succeed.  WE must stop thinking that gang violence is not our problem. The time for change is NOW.

Pineapple Ginger Crisp-You have to try this!

Lavender and I decided to start this year off with a 30 day healthy eating plan. We are eating mostly whole foods, no white sugar, no artificial sweeteners, and no alcohol. We are also starting yoga on Monday! It’s our plan so if we decide to eat that piece of chocolate or taste that adult beverage there’s no shame. The 30 days is what we make of it. What surprises me are the unsupportive people.  I have people putting cookies in my face trying to get me to eat one. This is one of those no big deal things in my life but it takes me back to two very big deals that involved unsupportive people.

The first is when I went to college. More than one person told me I was being selfish and not thinking of my child. I was also told I would fail. They said there was no way I would be able to go to school full time, raise my child, and work full time. I did. I raised a beautiful child and we both graduated with honors. It would have been nice if I didn’t have to second guess myself along the journey… if I didn’t have to wonder if me having goals and doing what needed to be done to achieve them were selfish.

The second was after I ran my first 5k. This guy that I knew congratulated me. I said thank you and then told him my plan to run the Chicago Marathon the next year. He actually laughed in my face and then while still laughing told me that I was getting a little ahead of myself. I was embarrassed. Honestly though, when I crossed the marathon finish line I didn’t think about him.

Why do we do crush people? Why do put tear each other down? If someone tells you a dream or hope, just try not to take it away from them. Try just asking “is there anything I can do to help?”

Back to this 30 day challenge, we are in week one and the payoff for me has been my new food invention. Pineapple Ginger Crisp, it’s so good.

Ingredients
1 fresh pineapple peeled and chopped
2 inches of fresh ginger, grated
1cup oatmeal
½ cup pineapple juice
1 very ripe banana
1tblsp coconut oil

Cook ginger with coconut oil on low heat for about 5 minutes, add pineapple to the pan and cook for another minute. In a bowl mix oatmeal, pineapple juice, and banana. In an ungreased pan add the pineapple mixture and top it with the oatmeal mixture. Bake at 350 for about 40 minutes.