What Version of the Truth Do You Want?

I haven’t blogged in a while because I can’t decide what version of the truth I want to say.

I have slowed down on running and it makes me feel terrible inside and out but I have been running ten mile distances almost every week and that makes me feel great.

I have gained 5 pounds and that makes me feel like a loser but I am not training (yet) for a marathon so thinking I could maintain a 0 pound weight gain doesn’t even make sense.

I am happy that my daughter is doing so well at college but when I hear talking about moving out of our home for good, it makes me sad.

I am grateful that my mom came to see me and even more grateful that she said she would probably never come see me again.

I love my job and where I work. I hate that if the wrong person/people find out I am gay I could get fired.

I need to start looking for a new a job but I don’t want to.

I hate living in chaos but have never known anything else so all this stability in our house is great and making me miserable.

My life is amazing and I can’t fully enjoy it because I can’t stop thinking about all the things that might happen to mess it up.

The truth I know for sure I am surrounded by great people full of love.

Running Has Taught Me, I Decide What I Can Do!

I am running the Hot Chocolate 15k tomorrow! I am excited. It is my first time running this race. Let me tell you why.

Two years ago around this time I wanted to run the Hot Chocolate 15k. People told me not to do it. They told me I couldn’t do it. In their defense, I was overweight and I had only been running for two months. I listened to them and didn’t sign up.

The week of the Hot Chocolate I felt really bad about myself. I hated my body. I hated the way I looked. I hated that I was 35 and in school. I hated that I listened to someone else tell me what I could do!

So, I did what any sane person would do.  I got off the couch, put on my running shoes and ran ten miles. When I was done my body hurt in ways I didn’t know were possible. I had blisters on the bottoms of my feet. The inside of my thighs where rubbed raw.  My arms felt like they might break off. I felt like I was going to throw up.  I will never forget that run. It was one of the best feelings I have ever had in my life. I claimed my power that day. I decided what I could do and I did it!